Purple

Why do you insist on hurting me?
Why do you always pretend you have no idea why I’m angry?
Do you think it feels good to be ignored?
Do you think its fun to tell someone you love them, and then fuck with their emotions?
Is this all a game to you?

How much more direct, do I have to be?
When will you see things from my perspective?
Why are you playing dumb?
Or do I mean that little to you?
Is everything you’ve told me, a lie?

You have drained me.
I have nothing left to give.
You have hurt me so much in the past few weeks.
And I am confused.
What you say and what you do, don’t match.
I don’t think it ever did.

I’ve tried so hard to be patient with you.
I’ve always been there for you, when you were down.
But where are you, when I need you?
You always put me last.
I am always your last priority.
Do you understand how that makes me feel?

I don’t think you do.
I thought you and I connected.
We did. At one stage.
We both had the same purple aura.
We both had the same visions of the future.
We both wanted the same fucking thing.
So, what happened?

by m

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Dark Gray

The patience has worn off. It has completely broken her. Just like when a strong wind snaps a huge tree trunk off the actual tree. Her patience was wearing thin. It got to the point where she hated herself for caring so much. For wanting just one little thing. But now its completely severed. As if a string has been gnawed at by some blunt scissors. She waited. But the patience has worn off.

She didn’t quite understand what the actual difficulty was in what she had said to him. She was confused as to why he did not understand. She opened up and told him everything. But it’s as if, it just went right over his head. She didn’t understand. And it hurt. Every time she tried to explain what she needed or wanted, and he just didn’t even try, it felt like someone was stabbing her in the heart with a blunt knife.

She wanted to stop feeling like this. She felt like she had to be a completely different person to accommodate his needs and wants. But it was wearing thin. She couldn’t keep up this fake act anymore. She trusted him with everything she had. She gave him his heart, and he supposedly gave her his. She was so gentle with his heart, holding it like it was fragile. Covering it with an imaginary silk cloth so it never could be bruised or damaged. But her heart, in his hand, is now nothing but tiny little particles. Without him realising, he has completely crushed it.

Something that she thought was forever has now become a something that needs to end. For her own sanity. She didn’t need to be treated like this, she wanted to be loved. Thats all. Nothing more, nothing less. She just wanted to see the little glimpse of love that she originally saw. She wondered if love that strong, could just disappear into thin air. She didn’t understand how someone can say they loved her and that they would try and fix things, go back on their word, and do exactly what was bothering her.

She didn’t want to nag him. She didn’t want to fight or argue anymore. She was tired of having to be the glue that was holding their relationship strong. She got to the point where she couldn’t be bothered. She never wanted to stoop to his level, but she had no other choice. It pained her to ignore his calls or messages, or to even try and get him out of her mind.

She knew it would take time. But this was her first love. She could not imagine a future without him.  She wanted to marry him. To have his children. To live with him for the rest of their lives. But all those hopeful wants, has just been ripped away from her so violently. She wondered how he could do this to her, but she couldn’t even be bothered to hear or know the answer anymore.

She was tired of his excuses, which were always the same thing. She tried so hard to understand and be there, and to love him unconditionally. But the funny thing is, no matter how much you love someone unconditionally, there comes a point, when you can’t even try to continue filling a void. Or to continue loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

She knew she would be in a bubble for a long time. Where she needed to heal, to fix her heart. Glue each piece back together. She needed to get out of this dark gray haze of intoxicating love. And she knew it would take a long time.

by m